we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
