my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
