Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
