at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize