I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
