Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
