all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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