Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
