why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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