ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
