fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Help. Why am I so naked?
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