I skipped work to stalk him.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
