I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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