I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
