Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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