so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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