I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
