I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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