if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
