What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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