On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
