I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
