i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
