Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
