He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
