i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
