Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
