Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
