my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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