why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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