No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
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