I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
