I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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