Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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