I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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