no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize