allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
