ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
