My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I think i got beer on your cat.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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