Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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