Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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