Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
This is my gift to your gina
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
