he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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