i was rollin on her like bob the builder
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
