I met the friendliest cop last night
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
