It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
