Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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