For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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