omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
two words: eviction party
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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