i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
