You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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