Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
