I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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