well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
So gin and wine won't be happening again
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
