so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
