Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize