I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
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