So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
