Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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