Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
