Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Small penises have feelings too.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
