i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize