I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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