So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
