Kiss
Puke
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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