I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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