do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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