The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
