OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
