you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
