you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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