i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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