can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
