I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
